Lessons about loss

Grief is one of those things that comes in waves. You think you are in the clear and then without warning a tsunami comes crashing in that you never expected. That was my experience this past week. I was so cognizant of how I react to certain dates. In fact this past August 15, 2019 marked the 5 year anniversary of my tragic loss. I was prepared. I had ample distractions and a friend came to visit. In fact I was looking forward to his visit and so “that” day was something to look forward to as well. I ended up having a great day. I felt like I had turned a real corner; I didn’t even cry that day. Then Monday night, I’m sitting at home alone and the storm hit. I was reading an article on facebook about diving and then started scrolling. There was picture after picture of kids starting school. My own son would have been starting high school this year. I could feel my throat begin to tighten. I quickly closed facebook and started watching TV. It seemed like every show had a love story. In a matter of seconds the flood gate of tears opened and I just couldn’t stop. Those of you who have experienced this overwhelming grief know that there is nothing you can do but pray and try to go to sleep so you can find peace and rest.

Why is it that grief hits us so unexpectedly and will it ever go stop? No, I don’t think it ever goes away. Because of the depth and intensity of our love, grief is likewise as intense. But, I also suspect it’s because we grieve so much more than just the people we lost. I grieve…

• hearing the word “Mom”. I miss that word more than any other word.
• getting someone ready for the first day of school.
• seeing the young man my kid would be today.
• my child’s future.
• being loved as both a mom and a spouse.
• having someone to curl up next to in bed each night.
• having someone to talk with about tough decisions.
• having someone to eat dinner with each evening.
• having someone to drink coffee with each morning.
• having someone to plan retirement with.

I can only speak of grieving the loss of a child and a spouse. I have thought a lot about both of these relationships. In God’s word, a parent child relationship is one of the most precious. In fact, God knew that there was no greater love than a parent for a child. God uses this relationship to show us His great love by giving/sacrificing his own son so that we may have eternal life. No other sacrifice would have been as powerful to us. I can’t imagine ever sacrificing my own son for someone else. This sacrifice assures me that God knows my pain and grief. It also paints the perfect picture of HOPE. God’s son is my perfect HOPE in eternity.

God also uses the relationship of a husband and wife to show us his love. I often think about God’s message to Adam when he created Eve. He said it was not good for man to be alone so he created a companion. This one has been tough for me because of loneliness. In fact I had to literally make a commitment to myself to embrace alone and quit looking for a relationship. God uses the church as a picture of a bride all throughout scripture. He paints a picuture of this perfect relationship with great love, respect and honor between Christ and the church and a husband and wife. I know that God’s sacrifice of his son was a gift to his bride, the church. Few of our relationships today really mirror this picture but how perfect it would be if they did. I had a small glimpse of that kind of love. Maybe one day God will allow that again.

All of this seems so overwhelming yet perplexing. If these relationships are so precious to God, why did I have to lose them. I have no answer. I am, however, reminded that God told me my loss was not about my own grief but about His glory. I often struggle with how to bring glory to God through pain. All I know is to share my own journey and pray that God uses it to help others heal.

“We have this HOPE as an anchor for the soul firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

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