I’ve built some pretty strong walls over these last several years. I built them methodically placing each stone with care. I built these walls to protect. My heart had been broken in a million pieces and I wanted to protect it from further damage. I felt like there was no one to stand guard, there was no soldier to fight, so I built walls of protection. Building walls not only felt necessary at the time but seemed smart and proactive.
So what’s the problem with the emotional fortresses we build? Although they were built to protect, they also keep us from being able to truly connect to others. On a recent vacation, a friend pointed out that my inability to let others help me, or cross over that wall, came off as pushing away. Wow! That one got me.
I was doing the very opposite of what I wanted. At that moment I recalled a memory of being in the funeral home and being presented with Larry and Landon’s ashes. I was in a room with others and yet the most alone in my whole life. I vowed at that moment to never really cry or be that vulnerable in front of others again.
I started the meticulous building of my wall that day. I began to treat people like they’re temporary because I couldn’t imagine falling in love and finding a relationship worth fighting for. I quit allowing others to help because allowing others to help meant dependance. I quite sharing my true feelings because sharing meant vulnerability and hurt. I stopped giving others chances to get close as I built my walls stone by stone. The reality is that until I allow others to see my vulnerabilities, to help, see the real me, I won’t get the true connectedness I truly desire. I have to start taking down that wall one stone at a time.
Do you desire a connectedness to others but have a wall that others can’t climb or get through? Do you have such expectations about a future that you won’t allow others to walk with you? Are you building barriers that loved ones can’t break down?
How do you take down that wall? Stone by stone. Allow others to get close, be yourself, be vulnerable, share your hopes and fears, and allow others to help. I have no doubt this is going to be quite the challenge but if we are patient, rely on God’s guidance, and give ourselves and others a little GRACE then the wall will come tumbling down.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31:6
