My journey through life has made some challenging and unique turns. One that I’m most proud of is the relationship I have with Larry’s ex wife, Shannon.
If you have lived through divorce, you know the brokeness and heartache that follows. Often, the people we love the most suffer the most in divorce. It’s the natural consequences of broken promises, broken hearts and sometimes a desire to make someone responsible for all the pain.
When I met Larry, he was going through a divorce and had two very young children. The years ahead were hard, to say the least. I was the new woman in Larry’s life and the step-mom. I was jealous of the connection she had with him and she had plenty of reasons to despise me. The relationship suffered. It was ugly, to say the least. As we both matured things certainly got better. However, it took turning both of our lives upside down to really put things in perspective for both of us.
When Larry and Landon died, Shannon stepped up in a beautiful way. She of course took care of our girls because they are the loves of her life and I simply couldn’t. But more beautiful and gracious was the way she reached out to me. Every single day, she sent words of encouragement and love.
It wasn’t long after we found out that the first grandbaby was on the way. We decided we no longer wanted to live life with regrets and bitterness. We no longer wanted these lives of separate family gatherings. Life had dealt us some pretty hard blows and we knew that every moment was absolutely precious. We decided to tackle loving these girls together instead of as adversaries. Since, we’ve hosted baby showers together, we do family Christmas together, we celebrate birthdays and holidays together but most importantly we love our daughters and gradbabies together. People are amazed when I tell them I’m spending time with Larry’s daughters and their mom and I simply couldn’t be more proud. I now call her mom and sister family. It’s simply beautiful and nothing I ever deserved.
It wasn’t easy. We both had to put our hurt and pride aside and make some conscious decisions to be better. It took a tremendous amount of forgiveness, grace, empathy and ultimately love to get where we are today. We could have simply continued to live lives grounded in hate, but we choose love instead. We could have spent years harboring hurt and bad feelings at the cost of hardening our own hearts and hurting those we love, but instead we chose forgiveness. We both extended grace when the other may not have always deserved it. My only regret is that we didn’t get here earlier in life.
We all have those relationships that need mending. Forgiveness is never about who is right or wrong, it’s about healing. Grace is not about something someone has earned, it’s about mercy and showing true love. Saying I’m sorry is never about the guilt or blame, it is always about the mending of the heart. Who do you need to forgive? Whom do you need to extend grace? Whom do you need to say, “I’m sorry”.
If the holidays are truly about love, now is the perfect time. Start the new year with new bonds, new found love and newly mended hearts.
by 
Without words … so much perspective
This is so true. My ex husband and I have been divorced for almost 25 years. It was ugly to say the least. He had a child before he left our marriage. They married less than two months after our divorce was final. A few years later along came another little girl for them. Between us we (the three of us) have 5 girls. It took about 5 years for us to be civil, but since then we have loved ALL of our girls together. His wife had a daughter, then my two girls and then their two girls. Three years after my divorce my girls and I moved in with my mom and dad. I am so great full for their love and kindness towards all if these little girls. Mom and dad always allowed all of them to be there. I think I had all five at my house as much as he did. Today all five of my beautiful little girls are adults. I have 4 beautiful grand children (thank goodness his girls have babies, mine may never get around to giving me any).
The next best thing to come from this shared love is the care and respect we are able to give each other. If My mom or I ever need a man to help with something around the house, we can give him a call and he and a son-in-law come running.
People need to let go of the pain and hurt of divorce and remember there was love somewhere there in the past. Remember, it takes a lot more effort to hate and fight than it does to live in love and contentment.
Merry Christmas Charlotte!
Your story is a picture of Jesus redeeming grace & love. Thanks so much for sharing. Merry Christmas
This is beautiful! I am in a similar situation with my fiancé’s x and myself. Our children are all adults, but I wish we could get to the point of sharing holidays, birthdays, and celebrations where we can all get along! I know it will always be awkward if we don’t move to the point of forgiveness and grace! This gives me hope!
Thank you for sharing. Keep reaching out. You just never know when it will be received with love. Prayers for restoration.
We were friends with Larry and Shannon even before they had children. They were in our wedding when she was pregnant with Lauren. Shannon is one of those people you just can’t hate for very long. She is funny, charismatic and crazy. I don’t know you Charlotte, but I know you must be an amazing person for Larry to have fallen in love with you. We were devastated to hear of Larry and Landon’s death while watching the news that night. I immediately called Shannon. And I immediately thought of you, even though I didn’t know you. My heart broke for you, Lauren, Juliet, and Shannon. I lost my younger brother in May of 2012. God transformed my relationship with my sister in law after his death. God many times makes something beautiful out of a tragedy. God bless you. You have a beautiful testimony. You are an inspiration to many.
Nancy Paschal
Thank you. For everything. For your grace, strength and love. I know you didn’t choose to inspire people. Not at that kind of cost. But you have. You are an inspiration.