I often read about grief and healing. I am a member of several online support groups for parents who have lost children. While some are good, others are downright depressing and full of poor advice. One in particular posted recently about grief and the negative aura and how we are never the same after grief.
While I can agree that one is never the same after losing a child or loved one, the tone of the posting was that you are forever consumed with negativity. It reminded me of a conference I once attended. The speaker was talking about being positive and making a difference. She continually discussed grief negatively in terms of anger, fear, denial, and apathy. Although those emotions were all stages of my grief, those feelings were not my destination.
I’m assuming the speaker may not have experienced life changing grief like the loss of child, spouse or parent. I also know she never meant to be offensive; overall it was a great message of the power of positive influence. However, I’m left perplexed as to why the journey through grief is always viewed so negatively and why she never mentioned healing, hope, peace, and love.
Grief is a journey, in fact I would say it is a never ending journey. It’s what we do with our grief that matters most and ultimately what allows us to begin to heal. Although some of the stages of grief can be negative if we get stuck there, the journey itself is a beautiful reflection of the love surrounding the relationship and an expression of our hope.
If you have experienced great loss, your grief is a part of you and your story. It’s a roadmap of where we have been on your journey. How we handle our grief, can be positive or negative. If it paralyzes us, defines us, or imprisons us in fear, it is certainly negative. However, we can use our grief in beautiful positive ways to inspire, motivate, encourage, and help touch the lives of others.
I also know that it takes magnificent people to love us with our grief. It’s too hard for some people. Sadly there are those who couldn’t stand with me. I have lived that disappointing reality and had to let go because some friends couldn’t love me through my grief.
Only the strongest, most faithful, and secure individuals can love, support and hold those of us who have big grief. I have experienced that blessing beyond measure. What a beautiful expression of love it is for my significant other to acknowledge, talk about, and make room in our lives for my late husband and child. Just this past week, the man I love realized it would have been my 27th anniversary to Larry. As he wrapped his arm around me and told me he loved me, he filled my heart and soul beyond words. I never take that for granted.
Where are you on your journey? How do you define your grief?
My grief is a direct reflection of my love. I grieve deeply because I loved so deeply. My grief is big because my love was monumental. My grief is emotional because my love was passionate. My grief is never ending because my love is eternal. My grief is wholehearted because my love was unconditional. My grief is beautiful because my love was magnificent.
by 
